Finished watching Beloved. For the 17th time… The teachings are so deep and so wide. Connecting me to my past, my ancestors, my history and my spirit on so many levels. I didn’t cry this time. When I first saw it in the movie theatre in 1998, I sobbed hard and long. I was touched so deeply. I had no words, only groans and sobs. Tonight when Mama Suggs (played by the beautiful Beah Richards) said “love your heart” my heart opened and expanded as it seems to do more and more often. I looked around inside. There was no sadness, no trauma or hurt, nothing to be healed. It was open.
I am so grateful for my life, my work, and the many lessons and teachings I have received over my lifetime thus far. I can’t advocate for doing your deep inner work more powerfully than the testimony of my life.
The intention of healthy, happy and whole was for my children. That intention required that I learn to do it for myself because you can’t teach what you don’t know. And together my children and I have healed our lives and learned together what it takes. And on my journey, I shared generously what I was learning with anyone who asked.
My rewards are so great I can’t even count all of my blessings.
One thing it required was that I get control of my ego, my thoughts and my words. Being clear on my intentions, move away from judgement and learn to love myself just the way God made me. To love myself, I had to learn who I was and what I wanted to become. I had to connect deeply with as much of my past as possible, my ancestors, our collective history, past lives and relationship with as much honesty as I could.
I learned I have a pure heart and spirit. I learned that I have had many lives. I learned that forgiveness is healing. I learned to forgive myself and rebuild the trust I have with me. To trust myself again, that was big. I learned to see the lesson and blessing in every experience; to rejoice in life and in death when we return to our God, the Creator and are one again with the divine energy that is pure love. I remembered how to be in awe of the natural world. I learned how to be curious about people again and how they think, do , see and experience the world. I learned to listen again, deeply to my spirit and trust the wisdom and knowledge it shared. I am still learning to listen. And I am still learning so many things.