This is the third part of this Valentine’s Series on Love.  Exploring unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love and how do we get it?  Feels like a big questions.  A million dollar question.

Webster defines unconditional as a state of no conditions, a state of absolute, unqualified.  Absolute meaning without question and something that is there no matter what.  Unqualified indicates that you don’t have to do anything to deserve or earn it.  In this case love.

The word Love on the other hand is defined by words like strong affection for another,  attraction,  adoration, tenderness, a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion, endearment, brotherly concern for others.  But my favorite … an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.

So unconditional love could be defined as the unselfish concern for the good of yourself or another person.  Wishing and acting to create the best for one’s self and for others.

Sometimes it feels like an aching in my heart, a longing for that other person when they are absent or when you know that they are going through something that is painful emotionally or physically.

Sometimes it feels like peace.  There is nothing wrong.  Only good appears in my emotions, thoughts, actions when I direct my attention to myself or another person.

Sometimes it is an overwhelming warmth and light that surrounds me no matter who I think about or what the situation.  There is no judgement or doubt, no worry or fear, only light, peace, joy, and happiness.  It is not dependent on anything.

Unconditional love is like air.  It simply exists and we can enjoy it, pass it on, share it, use it, in any way we choose.  More and more, I am able to tap into that place of unconditional love and hold space for the world and its animals and people with compassion for all of their beauty, amazement, flaws, and pain places and truly see the perfection of their spirit and what needs to be healed for them to live in that perfection.  This is without judgement or attachment or the need to act, fix, rescue.  I just sit in the current reality with the energy of unconditional love.

Love is an action and a choice we make every moment of every day.  We choose to move in love. We choose to act out of love. We choose to act in ways that maintain a person’s dignity and respect and humanity.  We choose to listen and put their wants before our wants for them.  We choose to set healthy boundaries that keep ourselves and the other person safe. We choose support their choices even when we don’t agree. We place no condition on the emotional availability of our feelings for them.  They are absolute and unqualified.

I learned about unconditional love through my parents and my children.  Even when I disappointed my parents, displayed crazy  adolescent behavior, made bad choices, my parents loved me and never denied that love.  When my children came into the world, I was overcome with unconditional love.  I found myself making all manner of sacrifices for their well-being.  Making choices that were strategic and allowed me to make a way for them.  My prayers changed to be more about them than about myself.  And as my father and Duchess aged, I found myself helpless to change the situation and I had to simply love them through the everyday and support them maintaining their dignity and respect no matter what was happening to their bodies and their minds.  I would just sit with them in silence, holding their hand when possible and allow my heart to open to their spirit and presence just because I loved them.  I had no needs or requests.  I was just present.

I have had the word love on my desk for the past 8 years.  I came out of the closet with love as a value, pledging to do everything with love.  I put the word on my desk to remind me of that commitment.  I have learned so much about love that I can’t even articulate.  I will say it is the most powerful action any of us can undertake.  Love, the unconditional act of love can move mountains and change the world.  I am committed to love, to hold and embody this energy and to take the action it requires.  I am committed to continue to learn about love and its power.  So what have you learned about unconditional love and where does it show up in your life?  Happy Valentine’s Day!

I posted this piece in 2011.  I think it is simplifies the idea of deep listening in a very personal way when it was not easy.  My relationship with my son during the height of his teen years challenged me to step up and grow.  Listening is one of the technologies featured in my new book, the Technology of Doing Creating and Being.  Check it out and let me know what you think.

Listening (posted on Facebook Life Mapping Group 09-28-2011)

I am rediscovering deep listening. It has been coming up in my own work and with my clients. To listen is to open all of your senses to hear what is there in the present. It may start with being able to listen to your heart beat at will no matter where you are. Listening to your spirit whispering “call her” or “go left”. How many times have I ignored or missed those quiet messages only to realize afterwards that had I listened instead of questioned, I would have stood in a better place, missed traffic, been available for a friend. Listening is not thinking. It is not waiting for your turn to speak. Deep listening is taking in the other person, nature, yourself in ways that are so complete that thoughts are not available. My son has been telling me I never listen. Today I realize that he is right. When we talk, I have so much fear, so many thoughts, and questions that I can’t hear what he is saying. His expression doesn’t come the way I expect. He is not easy to understand as his expression is full of emotionality that triggers my fears and my own baggage and there in is the miss. Today, I get to practice listening more closely to my heart beat, to my breathing, to my spirit, to my clients, to my son.

There are so many distractions to our personal interactions that we are often shuttling

back and forth between our phones, computers, and the person we most want to be in connection with.  We substitute virtual interaction for actual contact with another human being.  And then when we do get face to face or voice to voice, it’s almost like we have forgotten how to attend to another human being and give them our focused attention.

I even find myself doing that with my beloved sons and my beloved husband.  And there is nothing that says I love you or I respect you or you are important to me, like your full attention.

Deep listening is a skill that we have the opportunity to learn and master.  It requires that you open up all of your senses to be present for yourself or another person and give them or yourself your real and total attention and focus.  We can listen with more than just our ears.  We have the ability to listen in real time on many levels.  We listen with our entire being – our ears, our eyes, our sense of smell, our touch, our spirits.  We listen to what is said and what is left unsaid.  Deep listening requires you give up your agenda and wants for the moment to take the other person in fully and completely.

The value of deep listening – giving another person your full and undivided attention – that person feels seen and heard and this is a transformational experience.  This is in part why I think that coaching services have taken off in such a powerful way.  To have another person whose only goal is to listen and attend to you for any period of time is powerful.

When you give yourself that undivided attention to still your mind and listen beyond words to your spirit, that place inside of each of us that speaks without words you have the opportunity to get the answers to your deepest questions.  This may take a little practice before you actually can discern or trust the message that you get.  And it is so worth the effort.  Now when I am stuck in any interaction, I only need go inside for a moment to ground and listen and the answer that I am looking for is right there before me.  Just try it.  Be still.  Clear your mind, quiet your thoughts and connect to your spirit.  Ask a question you have been pondering and then be still and listen.

Next lesson – to trust the answer that you get, especially when it is not the answer you thought you would arrive at…. trust your spirit.

Join me for the next Life Mapping Conference Call – Winter Solstice on December 21, 2017 at 8 pm EST

What is it to feel truly happy? What is being whole? Healthy? Happy?

How do we learn fast enough to teach our children – since we can’t teach what we don’t know.

This is the second lesson I asked for.  The first was to learn to love myself.  Finally got it.  The second major intention was to raise my children to be healthy, happy and whole.

I had to experience, document and learn what it took and what it was like to be healthy happy and whole before I could really teach my children.  It sent me on a life long journey for 34 years from the day I said,  I needed to love myself including my hair the way God made it until now when on any day I can truly say I am happy with no buts, exceptions or other comments.  And my children are.  I can see it in my oldest.  I asked my youngest.  He says he’s basically a happy person, whole in the sense of no severe trauma and healthy – no physical or psychological ailments.

So I did accomplish my intentions with both my children and so I knew something about what it took and I learned a lot about healing the spirit and doing that work as I went along while raising them.  And in the meantime, I moved myself to a place of being happy healthy and whole as well.  And last year, I realized that the intention for my work, coaching entrepreneurs and business leaders, working with organizations to manifest their vision through strategic planning and organizational development and community planning, and life mapping and my personal spiritual work all have the same intention.  That is my contribution, one person, one organization and one system at a time.

Join me for the next Life Mapping Live Conference Call – Winter Solstice on December 21, 2017 at 8 pm EST

Self Mastery: Stepping Into the Journey Even When You Don’t Feel Ready

“If we wait until we are ready, we will never do it.”  

These days, stress is hampering everyone’s ability to make good decisions, maintain their health, be productive at work and/or home, and engage in healthy relationships.  When I talk to people, they immediately say, “Life Mapping, I need that”.  But the thought of making time in an overcrowded schedule to do some deep reflection and get in touch with who you are and what you really want, seems like a task to put off to another time when things are less hectic.  I totally understand the sense of overwhelm each person faces in their own way these days.   However, if you want that situation to change, you have to do something different in addition to trying to survive it.  You can take control of yourself and your thoughts and your actions now even if you don’t feel ready because so much is going on.

Life Mapping makes a big promise.  The promise is that if you stick to the process, you will begin living the life you have always dreamed of right now.  By taking the time to sit still, listen to your spirit (not your mind), and get in touch with what is really important to you; you begin a journey that will dramatically reshape your life.

First, having a vision, a picture of the future that you can embrace and move towards, sets in motion the energy of the Universe which begins to synchronize with your energy to make your dreams come true.

Second, there are lots of personal pitfalls that we can fall into during the process that can slow down our ability to manifest our vision.  Negative thinking.  Fuzzy vision. Not being willing to do what it takes for you.  Not recognizing the gift or synchronicity when it shows up.  Not believing we can have what we want.  Not doing our research/homework.  Not asking for what we really want.  Fear.  Envy.  Laziness.  Greed.  Minimizing our gifts and talents to ourselves and others.  Baggage from past hurts and disappointments.  This is where the work begins.  Identifying what’s in the way and being willing to work through those blocks and obstacles in a good way.  The Life Mapping Process has exercises and guidance for doing this.  Sometimes we discover something that requires help from a professional therapist or coach.  Get it.  That kind of support is a good investment.

Third, being willing to change in order to get what you want.  We often want things but are unwilling to make internal changes in order to attract what we want.

Fourth, when things start to manifest in your life the important thing is to recognize this and say “Thank you” to the Universe for supporting you and your prayer.  Being grateful for every little thing is a good habit to create.  A gratitude journal is a way to shift your thinking in this way.  Gratitude sets the stage for abundance.

Fifth, never giving up.  It is easy to give up and add another suitcase to your collection of baggage.  But it takes time to change, to shift your thinking, to wait faithfully for the Universe to bring all the complex elements together to make what you have asked for happen.  I can definitely testify that it will all come around when you are ready.  The work is never in vain.  In 2012, so much started coming together after years of holding fast to my vision and working on my inner self.  I found myself in a state of true happiness, inner peace, and joy regardless of what was happening around me.  I began to find the balance of work and wellness that I had been struggling with for years.  I met my soul mate at a time when I was ready to put that on hold for a while.  And at the same time, I became painfully aware of work I had not done as the chickens came to roost with members of my family.  And new opportunities seem to keep appearing for me to fulfill my passion work and share Life Mapping with others.  This article is a perfect example of that happening.

I am grateful for the opportunity to share with you what I am learning and to announce my new Life Mapping Support Group.  This summer, I will be starting a new Life Mapping Group Session where we will create and implement our Life Map, identify and work on the blocks and obstacles getting in our way, and begin the process of loving ourselves unconditionally.  All of this even if we think we are not ready and don’t have time.  We can’t afford not to do this work.  Everything is moving forward around us.  There is no standing still.  There is no time to wait until later.  Later is now.  Join me this summer in our virtual space and begin the journey to reshape your life so that it is better suited for you.  It only takes 90 days.  Trust your spirit.  If you are attracted to this opportunity, call me and let’s talk about the possibilities.   In peace, joy, and love.  Ashe’.