Psychologist use the term projection. A projection is making an assumption about someone or some situation that you begin to hold as truth. We do it all the time.
- “He must be really feeling bad about hurting her feelings”
- “She is always late. She must not care about her job”
- “If he wants to get that promotion, he needs to ….”
- “I see you are crying, are you sad”
We are often making statements about someone else’s situation with few or no facts. And we move with those statements as if they are true without checking out if the story we made up about that person and their situation is true or a fiction of our imagination. This can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings.
Often times we are projecting negative things about the other person.
I love listening to talk shows where the audience is giving someone advice and asked to discern if that person should do this or that. It’s often relationship advice. And it is a big projection screen of judgments about who is right, wrong and what they should do about it.
What I have learned is that all projections are judgments be they negative or positive. And all judgments are self judgments.
These statements we make about others are more a statement about ourselves than the other person. We project our judgments on others versus looking at ourselves.
What I have learned is that I can get a really good read on how I am judging myself based on how I am judging others. I am pretty harsh on women’s weight. I am very harsh on my own weight issues.
As I have worked on my judgments issues I have softened and become much more compassionate about women’s weight issues as I have developed them myself and have had to develop compassion for myself and how these things evolve.
I had to move away from the judgement to then love myself in order to love others. It’s the same thing that our elders used to say “… until you have walked a mile in their shoes….” you just can’t judge.
So my practice is that when I hear some judgement come out of my mouth about anything, I immediately look to see how that statement lives in me. Because I wouldn’t be able to see that negative or positive quality in someone else if it didn’t live in me.
Same goes for advice or ideas. As I coach my clients, if I hear myself giving the same idea or piece of advice to someone or multiple people, I give it to myself.
I was telling a friend years ago, that she could reduce her clutter and even make money on all the materials she had collected over time by scanning that information and selling it for “pennies” on the internet. After a while, I said to myself, “Monika, you need to take your own advice. Get rid of these manuals and scan the pages that are important to you.” “Monika, put your worksheets for Life Mapping on your web page so people can have a big version. They will pay something for them. Make it an easy mount and an easy download.” And I did.
What advice or judgments are you making that you should take yourself?