Its Valentine’s Day this week and there is so much to say about LOVE that this will be a week-long blog fest.
First, LOVE of self. My dad used to always tell me as a young woman, you can’t love anyone until you love yourself. I didn’t get it. I was looking for love to “complete me”.
So what does it mean to love you? How do you know you love yourself? What should you be paying attention to?
When you love yourself, you move away from self-judgement. You lovingly look at who you are, your attributes and your challenges, places where you are hurt and places where you have joy, you get “real” with yourself in a most loving way. And then you accept where you and who you are and your journey up until this moment. It is only then can you begin to discern any parts of your spirit that you want to heal. With acceptance, you can begin to discern what attributes you want to keep and grow with and what things about yourself you want to change. When you look at what you want in life and your goals, you can see what is helping to create the life you want and what gets in your way. And you lovingly begin to move into action to become the amazing human being you were always meant to be.
I remember creating a mantra about the kind of relationship I wanted to attract. I was healing from a dysfunctional one and putting the power of thought and language and vision into action. I remember standing in the bathroom every morning and every night after I brushed my teeth and saying: “Monika, I love you just the way you are. “ Then crying. I’d then say: “I am in mutually beneficial relationships that are respectful, loving, sensuous, sexual, caring, gentle, joyful, ….” And I had a long list. And I would cry. I said this every day until I began to cry less. I said thie every day until one day, I said it without crying and began to embody the words. I said it until I began to see the changes in me and in my relationships in business and friendships. I kept saying this mantra for years, until I noticed how happy I had become with myself and who I had become. I worked through the heartache and let it go. I worked through the disappointments and let them go. I worked through so many things that needed to be healed so I would be healthy enough to be in a healthy relationship. I “cleaned my plate” as my husband calls it and got ready for the kind of intimate relationship, the kind of life partner I truly wanted. But first I had to become a person who embodied the attributes that I was looking for in order to attract that kind of person. I had to change. I noticed, I had a more positive attitude. I noticed less judgement in my words and thoughts and I developed the ability to catch myself. I noticed I was settling less. I noticed a change in approach to how I allowed others to treat me. I just didn’t accept anything less than. But it wasn’t with anger or any frenetic energy in my spirit or words, it was just as matter of fact as me saying the sky was blue. I’d say “This isn’t going to work for me. Can we do X? This will allow me to Y and you to still get what you want or need.” I learned to love myself. And I was happy, truly happy.
What is your self-love process? How are you healing and finding your way back to your true self?