In this blog, I want to share my own relationship journey. I hope you will be encouraged and inspired to know you can attract someone who is perfectly compatible with you.
As a spiritual and intuitive person, I spent a lot of my life checking out each person who came across my path for their purpose and to get the lesson and blessing from that relationship or interaction. So in my youth, I fell in love easily and frequently. Sometimes I knew it was a passing fling. Other times I wasn’t sure. And there my mother was to support my thinking that relationship no matter how long or short, served a purpose in our lives and when that purpose was accomplished you should release that person with love for all that you gained, learned, and experienced and move to the next lesson.
As we age, we learn. So after my divorce and some fun and not so fun dating experiences, I moved to a place of surrender about my next life partner. I decided not to worry about it but to have fun. I changed my prayer/mantra from a detailed list of qualities I wanted in all my relationships both business and personal to “I don’t know what I need, so please send me a man who is perfectly compatible with me”. And I just decided to have fun with my male friends. My self-love journey supported me from settling for any relationship and moved to me accept that I was not going to be in a romantic relationship until it was time. And I had plenty of love in my life. I worked on continuing to open my heart, accept myself, and enjoy life and be happy
with my current reality. All things I had worked on for years, I put my renewed attention there again.
Then I met Everett one winter night in my neighborhood bar after hanging out with one of my best
friends. It was a group of strangers who introduced us and pulled us into conversation about dancing
and where the best places to find social dancing were in Cleveland. They were trying to convince this guy, Everett, that Cleveland was a good place to live and that he just needed to find the right people. That’s how I got roped into the conversation. We laughed, we danced, we
exchanged information and promised to keep in touch. We had a lot of fun that night.
I was friendly and we started hanging out as friends and I showed him some fun places around town as he was new and on and on… And I noticed who he was as a person, his values and character. We had fun together. And in different moments, I felt challenged as my heart opened to meet his. It was surprising, and a little scary too. I thought after all this time… OMG! And I took it slow and worked to keep my eyes open and move in the best and most authentic way possible. For what seemed like the first time in my life, I consciously waited for him to set the tone and the boundaries and for him to make the first move, and the second, and the third. I didn’t put up walls. I didn’t make up a story – good or bad about where this was going. I stayed in the moment with what was real. I patiently waited to see what and how things would unfold. For my women readers, this was really critical in allowing him to choose me and pursue me and for me to see what kind of man he was vs the man I wanted him to be. This was in extreme contrast to my old habit of trying to MAKE things happen. I’m just saying. And at each step of the way, he proved to be a person who was sincere, capable, a man of great integrity, with values that aligned with my values, lifestyle and spiritual beliefs. Over time, we began to talk about what kind of relationship we wanted to have. He was very clear, “Clear your dance card. I know you have men that take you places and do things for you. Give me a chance and I can do all of those things and more.” Mind you, we had not had sexual relations yet. This was also a change for me, that he initiated. We talked night after night over coffee. We got to know each other. One night he asked me to write down my deal breakers. The things that if he did them, would end or do irreparable damage to the relationship. He moved closer. We started falling in love. The intimacy and sex was great! He began to introduce to me his world and family and the people who were most important in his life. Eventually we committed to each other and later he asked me to marry him.
So I want you to think about the questions below and check in on where you are with yourself, your current life partner or any potential life partners.
- Are our values aligned, not just in words but in actions?
- Do our goals align in ways that create synergy?
- What am I bringing to the table that will support our partnership?
- What are they bringing to the table that will support our partnership?
- Do we each have the capacity to work together?
- Will it be fun? Enjoyable?
- Is there alignment in our values, lifestyle, and perspectives? Are we compatible in how we think about and use ourselves, our resources or create new resources to get what we want? Are our material wants, desires and approaches compatible?
These are important questions. They need to be answered based on us observing each other’s actions, not what we think or aspire to do and be, not what we say we are about, but what we really do based on our actions. I say we because this is true for you and the prospective life partner.
No judgement but a true discernment about “what is” right now. I spent years in a relationship based on potential. I thought my first husband and I were working our plan only to find out he was just dreaming. His words said he wanted to build an empire. His actions said he wanted to go to work, come home, drink a beer, relax and watch the game. This was a huge mismatch to my own ambition and an anchor. My current husband, is adjusting to the fact that he is only working one job for the first time in his adult life and has joined me to work to take our plan to the next level. Our life together is easy. We work things out and come to agreement quickly. There is harmony and peace and joy. He is perfectly compatible with me and we are creating a life together that we both love. There is alignment in our values, vision, lifestyle, and commitments. We have both done our inner work and were moved to a place of surrender just as the Universe brought us together on that fateful night. And we were both open to the exploration.